i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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