so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
