The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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