im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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