i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
someone owes me an orgasm
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're too hungover to prance.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
