Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
