I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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