you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I will be naked everywhere
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
