Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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