Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
