I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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