Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
