Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize