I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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