2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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