if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
