fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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