Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
did you just send me my own nude
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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