dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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