It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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