We're facebook friends in real life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
