you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
