Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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