...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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