White coat. Heels.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
