Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
