Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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