i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm like, not good at living.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
