Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
