but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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