Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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