i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
