The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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