I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
