I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize