I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
