i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
