this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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