dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
