My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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