It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
