My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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