The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
