I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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