Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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