I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
