Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a search helicopter?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?