Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?