ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.