Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

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  (347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl
  Replies (117) Good night (4559) Bad night (1594)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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  (781): He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie. http://tfl.nu/a1e2
  Replies (12) Good night (3964) Bad night (956)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.

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  (479): Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke. http://tfl.nu/d4y7
  Replies (7) Good night (2769) Bad night (1231)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

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  (860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj
  Replies (32) Good night (4845) Bad night (1036)
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  (562): View more from California

  bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.

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  (562): bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea. http://tfl.nu/kow3
  Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (1141)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

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  (936): To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex. http://tfl.nu/0t9p
  Replies (24) Good night (5206) Bad night (995)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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  (806): Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap http://tfl.nu/wtva
  Replies (5) Good night (1393) Bad night (516)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake

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  (630): Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake http://tfl.nu/dh07
  Replies (3) Good night (1191) Bad night (620)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.

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  (254): Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst. http://tfl.nu/n2od
  Replies (9) Good night (1078) Bad night (787)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  No I didn't. Whiskey did.

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  (765): You wore a man's plastic top hat last night. (574): No I didn't. Whiskey did. http://tfl.nu/63th
  Replies (5) Good night (1892) Bad night (577)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.

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  (613): I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots. http://tfl.nu/b0ef
  Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (496)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?

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  (814): We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest? http://tfl.nu/lgnx
  Replies (3) Good night (1145) Bad night (504)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.

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  (403): The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume. http://tfl.nu/nbz2
  Replies (5) Good night (2442) Bad night (841)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house

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  (336): Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house http://tfl.nu/ap4l
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (295)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary

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  (985): I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary http://tfl.nu/6z7x
  Replies (4) Good night (453) Bad night (382)

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