It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
