You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
