he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
