That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
