He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
