he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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