12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
