I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
