but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
