Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
