6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
