Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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