At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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