Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
