It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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