dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
