We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
