1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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