Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
