i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
