so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
