oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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