She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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