Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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