yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
