I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
