he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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