Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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