Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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