Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i will never coherently bang her
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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