It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
