I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
