She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
